new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
