And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
