that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
