census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
