She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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