i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Even my vagina gasped.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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