It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
