Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
