omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
