so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
