it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
