She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
