I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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