i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
