Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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