Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
