It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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