Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You are the jesus of drinking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
