am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
