are you still at the devil's house?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
