Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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