2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My vagina is very pro this idea
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
