I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
