Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
