I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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