Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
