i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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