the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it glows. i had to have it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
