Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
