And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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