I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
