I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
