is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
