she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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