Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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