While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
