bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
