is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
