you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he thought i was a dude.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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