She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
