I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize