I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
