before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
