Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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