Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
