do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
