You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
