I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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