Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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