Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
