dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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