just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
