Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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