If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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