There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
