It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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