Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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