should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
