Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
