btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
