the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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