If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
