He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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