You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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