yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize